| Ex-spouses are usually part of the bargain with a | | | | By you feeding in to that and letting them know |
| remarriage. It may not be your first choice, but | | | | that you are bothered, you will be giving them |
| it's a reality. | | | | just what they want. More than likely you will not |
| Ex-spouses aren't always difficult. Unfortunately, a | | | | have the effect of upsetting them back, which is |
| lot of that is out of your control. Let's take a look | | | | what you're hoping fore. |
| at some of the biggest mistakes you can make | | | | Being selfish |
| when it comes to dealing with your partner's | | | | While that ex-spouse may be a constant reminder |
| ex-spouse. | | | | to you of your spouse's past, it is no reason to |
| Trying to be the new "parent" | | | | make up your mind to hate that person. If you |
| Nothing is going to set an ex-spouse off faster | | | | start problems with your fiance's ex just out of |
| than you trying to encroach on their turf with | | | | spite, you can pretty much plan that you will be |
| their children. Your job will never be to replace | | | | making your fiance's life difficult. It does no one |
| that parent (no matter how lousy you think they | | | | any good. |
| are). Your job is to honor their relationship with | | | | If your fiance has children, you will be stuck with |
| their children and just be another positive adult in | | | | their ex for life. Your hatred of that person may |
| the kid's lives. | | | | make you feel better but will only add stress for |
| If you push the "parent" role, you'll lose on every | | | | your fiance and upcoming marriage. |
| front. The ex-spouse will despise you and may | | | | Fighting a battle that isn't yours |
| try to sabotage any relationship you try to have | | | | It's hard when you see your partner feeling |
| with the children. The children will be | | | | stressed out or hurt by their ex-spouse's actions. |
| uncomfortable with you because you are forcing | | | | Our natural inclination in a situation like that is to |
| something on them they may not want. And your | | | | want to jump to their defense and fight for them. |
| new spouse may be unhappy with the increased | | | | While this sounds like a good idea, all you'll be |
| tension from everybody. | | | | doing is redirecting the ex's anger toward you |
| The best way to develop a good relationship with | | | | rather than your partner. In the long run, this will |
| the kids is to back off and not see yourself in a | | | | cause everyone more trouble. |
| parental role, but more of a friend. Let your | | | | While it may be painful, let your fiancé fight this |
| fiance do the parenting. They are, after all, the | | | | battle. You can support him or her and be a |
| parent! | | | | sounding board for them in dealing with a difficult |
| Holding a grudge | | | | ex. But it is not appropriate for you to jump in |
| Even if you will be stuck with the "ex from hell", | | | | and begin to wage your own war on their behalf. |
| that doesn't give you permission to push back and | | | | While you may not always have an opportunity at |
| try to "get even." | | | | having a civil relationship with your partner's |
| Most of the time ex-spouse's attempts at battles | | | | ex-spouse, there are things you can do make the |
| with the new spouse are done out of | | | | situation worse. Your goal should be to keep |
| vindictiveness and anger that their previous | | | | things calm with this person, not for their benefit, |
| spouse has moved on. Their hope is to undermine | | | | but for your fiancé, your new marriage, and |
| that new relationship and hurt their previous | | | | your new family. |
| spouse. | | | | |